April 28th, Two Thousand and Something

26 Apr 2017

Stocks = ripping


(Originally posted in April 2017. This will help you.)


Stocks are ripping. Bonds are not. Send me your tights and I will rip holes in them for $13.99

Your stock portfolio should have made you about 6% so far for the year, unless you focused only on retail stocks. Retail stocks are down almost 2% for the year. More on that in a minute.

Your high quality bond portfolio

Your high quality bond portfolio has likely made you around one half of one percent so far this year (blah).

Your low quality bond portfolio likely made you around 3.5% so far this year.

All bonds are not the same and you'll likely lose your rear in a stock market downturn if your portfolio is tilted towards low quality bonds. Check that out.

How to lose your money, fast

Invest in malls.

Hedge fund managers are betting that malls are going under. Maybe it's because J.Crew is firing 250 people while Amazon is hiring warehouse pickers.

Maybe it's because this is the most beautiful chart in the world.

I don't know.

Wait, I do know. This is Macy's.

Not going.

The good news is all brick and mortars are not going to hell. Experience-based shopping at brick and mortars is still in. Just not at Macy's.





Apple wants you to chill in their stores

I guess that article about experience-based shopping is real.

Apple is creating a whole new experience beyond the genius bar. The experience is: "come to our stores for free educational classes and advice, then please buy more stuff when you're here."

The new free classes are called Today at Apple.

"For example, (The Verge reports) that Apple wants small business owners and startups to come to the conference spaces in select stores to get advice from developers and entrepreneurs."

More free help. More cute 25-year-olds to help me. Word to your mother, I'm in. That's genius. (Did I just say that? Boom).

Buying your customers

Here's how much it costs you to buy customers:

All I get out of this is it seems like the higher the switching cost, the more you have to spend to get a new customer.

You have no loyalty to a travel service provider online and it's pretty easy to switch to another company. But changing your phone carrier? OMFG, DEATH.



I spoke with a new company called turbotenant. Turbotenant's mission is to make landlording easier by streamlining your rental process for you.

All that paperwork, listing your apartment, the background checks, blah blah blah. It's really annoying and time consuming if you own a place. Well, turbotenant handles all that for you.

I'll probably use them one day.


Hedge fund managers

Hedge fund managers are now telling you to invest in low cost index funds.

BREAKING: Kale revolt

"With a mix of unseasonably warm weather and a series of drenching rains, has confounded farmers and produced gyrating prices for consumers across the country. The wholesale price of iceberg lettuce grown in California has risen sixfold since January, while broccoli has quadrupled; conditions are expected to persist for several more weeks."

Thank you for reading, come back soon. But not too soon.